It’s now been over a year since I published ALL IT TAKES, and it’s been that long since I’ve done a blog post, so you’re all probably wondering why I’m suddenly here.
I’d like to take a moment to talk about FEAR.
When I published ALL IT TAKES, I was petrified. I had no idea how it would do, if people would like it, or if it would sell a single copy. And while it was by no means a best-seller, I’m proud of my first book. It didn’t earn me a ton of money, but it brought in enough to give me some padding while I figured a few things out.
The first thing I figured out was that I absolutely 100% wanted to be a professional author. This was my dream. This was what I’d always wanted to do with my life.
The second thing, which I’m just realizing now, a year later, is that I’m afraid.
I’m so afraid that the next book I write won’t be good enough, somehow. I’m afraid that people won’t like it. And because of that, I’ve been stalling. I’ve been making up excuses and reasons and a million to-do lists of other things to do just so I don’t have to work on the next book.
I posted on Instagram back in March about releasing STRAYS, but since I made that post all I’ve done is sit and think and worry and just be so afraid that I haven’t had time to do any work on it. Because, in my mind at least, somehow it just wasn’t good enough. And that meant that I wasn’t good enough.
It’s strange. It’s so strange because while releasing ALL IT TAKES was a generally positive experience, not all of it was. Yeah, most people liked it, but some didn’t. In fact, the two most popular reviews of my book on Goodreads are negative ones. On top of that, while it did sell, it didn’t sell nearly as well as I’d hoped and honestly some of the people I know in real life who’d promised to buy a copy, telling me they were proud of me… didn’t. So yeah, some of it sucked, but I’m a big girl. I can handle a little bit of disappointment. But apparently what I can’t handle is the very thought of disappointing others. I’ve been so scared that people won’t love my next book that I’ve put off releasing it, because I don’t want to let anyone down.
How does that make sense?
The world is a vast and beautiful place, full of different people who like different things. I’m one person. I can’t make everyone happy. So why the hell am I trying? Especially when all my efforts in doing so are costing me my dream job?
That’s what fear does. It paralyses you.
So on that note, I’ve decided to announce that I’ve grown a backbone and I’m working on releasing my next book, STRAYS. It is a YA Horror novel and will be releasing sometime this fall. This book is dear to my heart not because it’s my favorite of all I’ve written, but because it was the first book I ever completed. I’m proud of it. I hope it does well. But I’ve realized that even if it doesn’t, even if everyone hates and/or ignores it, I’ll still be okay. I’ll be okay because releasing this book means that I’ve overcome my fear, and that there will be more books to follow.
I’m a writer.
So I must write.